How to Handle Disappointment

How do we handle disappointment?

Do we complain? Most likely. If we're honest, it comes out in one fashion or another.

Do we try to deny it? Very possibly. That's human nature. And we are human.

Do we rationalize and bargain with it? If you will do...then I'll be willing to meet you halfway...At least it's not as bad as... These sound like normal responses to disappointment.

Do we "settle"? Just live with it? At some point?

Disappointment is part of being human. Job observed: Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward." Job 5:7 (New International Version)

We lose jobs, relationships, investments and dreams. People betray us. Children go astray. Illness and accidents hit us. Mental illness and Alzheimers' cloud the reasoning ability of the mind.

When we struggle with the bitter taste of disappointment, is it possible that the bitterness comes from the fact that our standards are too low in this life? Do we have an incorrect view of the purpose of disappointment?

As people, we tend to view "success" as a sign of God's goodness and our own goodness. When our finances are stable and growing, our marriages are healthy and happy, our children are making good decisions, our relationships are free of misunderstanding and conflict, then we feel that we are being shown "God's favor". When any of these areas are out of whack, we question whether the problem lies with us, with other people or with God.

But, let's frame the picture differently. Let's look at it from the perspective of a good parent. A good parent knows that his or her child will face frustrations in life. The job of a parent is to help train and prepare a child for the adult world. A loving parent slowly introduces a child to increasingly difficult and frustrating tasks in order to train the child in maturity. Traits like patience, perseverance and tolerance for frustration must be learned if the child is to function as a mature adult. Any parent who shelters his child from these important learning opportunities is failing the child!

The writer of Hebrews explained God's parenting style in Hebrews 12:5-14:

"'My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.'
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his fathre? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 'Make level paths for your feet,' so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord." (New International Version)

Even Jesus, the perfect son of God, learned obedience through suffering:

"Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered." Hebrews 5:8 (New International Version)

Should we raise our standards when it comes to dealing with disappointment? Instead of trying to affix blame for the source of the problem as the disciples did when Jesus healed the blind man: "'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'", we need to raise our standards in viewing the purpose of disappointment in our lives to Jesus' standard: "'Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.'" John 9:2-3 (New International Version)

A higher standard views disappointment as a teaching tool. Disappointment can teach us how to tolerate frustration, be patient and persevere.

The disappointment may or may not resolve itself. But will we learn "obedience from the things we suffer" as Jesus did?

"Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge; and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brother kindness, Christian love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you." 2 Peter 1:5-11 (New American Standard Version)

--Posted by Mama O.