The new computer books are here, the new computer books are here!

Carolyn Ocheltree proudly displays one of the new computer textbooks

We have new textbooks for the computer laboratory at Rescue The Children, thanks, in part, to the generosity of the Ocheltree Shepherding Group

Thank you, members of the Ocheltree Shepherding Group for your generosity in donating $260 to buy 10 copies of "Welcome to the World of Computers". Our textbooks have arrived and students began working from them today. I could already see confidence levels rising in students who are new to using the computer and competency and skill increasing with students who have some knowledge, but need to develop a more solid base of computer literacy. Our lab is full, we have 10 students all working diligently.

We begin the class with a written version of  our memory verse:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart; as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
Colossians 3:23,24 (New International Version)

Our computer students are required to format the verse according to our instructions. During their time in computer lab, students will be learning basic skills in navigating Windows and the Microsoft Office Suite, including Word, Excel, Powerpoint and Access. Students will learn basic word processing and formatting skills, like typing business letters and creating tables in Word, working with simple spreadsheets and calculating formulas in Excel, creating simple Powerpoint presentations and working with data entry in Access.

Rescue The Children is both a safe living environment for women (and their children) who are overcoming the affects of alcohol and drug addiction and an educational facility, training the women in all aspects of life, including Christian living, anger management and conflict resolution and professional skills.

A very special thank you to Deb Leahy and Ellen Gresham who are co-teaching the class with me.  It is a joy to work alongside my very capable and loving sisters in Christ!  What I mean is, it's REALLY FUN!

--Posted by Mama O.

Sabbath as Resistance

Who would have thought that the Sabbath could be used as a form of social protest? A quiet, holy way of saying "yes" to the things of God and "no" to the things of this world.

A worldly mindset, which emphasizes production and ever "more, more, more", turns people into competitors. In the worldly mindset, there are only a limited number of resources and all people must compete to see who can amass the most wealth, fame, power, popularity, and so forth.

In God's economy, men and women, made in the image of God, are meant to be companions to one another, not competitors with one another. We are meant to live as neighbors, helping one another. Our resources are meant to bring to joy to all, whether it is our time, our money, our talents or our good character qualities.

In his insightful study of the Jewish Sabbath, Walter Brueggemann compares the world market today to the brick factories of ancient Egypt where Jewish slaves toiled under Pharaoh, to make ever more bricks with ever fewer natural resources. The abuse of power and nature used to amass wealth pits nation against nation and person against person in a competitive economy. And, in the end, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. It does not create a society of justice and equality.

"The outcome of such endless striving for more is a social arrangement of the safety and happiness of the few at the expense of the many, a replica of the 'pyramid' of ancient Pharaoh. It is not accidental that the best graphic portrayal of this arrangement is a pyramid, the supreme construction of Pharaoh's system. Those at the top of the pyramid require huge amounts of cheap labor at a parsimonious (stingy) 'minimum wage' to make such a life possible.

"--This limitless pursuit of consumer goods (and the political, cultural, and military requirements that go with it) in the interest of satiation necessitates over-production and abuse of the land, and squandering of limited supplies of oil and water. Thus the environment is savaged by such restlessness; the ordering creation is skewed, perhaps beyond viability. It is long since forgotten that rest is the final marking of creator and creation.

"That violent restlessness makes neighborliness nearly impossible, (turning neighbors into) slaves, threats, rivals, and competitors.

"In that context, we have the exodus narrative that shows those gods of commodity to be powerless and without authority. They are phonies that we should neither fear nor serve nor trust:

They have mouths, but do not speak;

eyes, but do not see.

They have ears, but do not hear;

noses, but do not smell.

They have hands, but do not feel;

feet, but do not walk;

they make no sound in their throat. 

Those who make them are like them;

so are all who trust in them. (Ps. 115:5-8)

"They are the ones who champion anxiety and affirm restlessness. The adherents to the gods of restlessness find such a predatory society normal.

"And then into our midst comes this other unexpected voice from outside the Pharonic system: 'Let my people go!' (Exod. 5:1). It is not surprising that Pharaoh does not recognize the commanding voice of YHWH. Pharaoh's system precludes and denies any such commanding voice that emancipates (v. 2). But YHWH persists: Let them go outside the system of restlessness that ends in violence. Let them depart the system of endless production, in order to enter a world of covenantal fidelity. In ancient context, they must depart from the Egyptian system in order to dance and sing freedom.

"The departure from that same system in our time is not geographical. It is rather emotional, liturgical, and economic. It is not an idea but a practical act. Thus the Sabbath of the fourth commandment is an act of trust in the subversive, exodus-causing God of the first commandment, an act of submission to the restful God of commandments one, two, and three. Sabbath is a practical divestment so that neighborly engagement, rather than production and consumption, defines our lives. The departure into restfulness is both urgent and difficult, for our motors are set to run at brick-making speed. To cease, even for a time, the anxious striving for more bricks is to find ourselves with a 'light burden' and an 'easy yoke.' It is now, as then, enough to permit dancing and singing into an alternative life."

Excerpts from Sabbath As Resistance: Saying NO to the CULTURE OF NOW by Walter Brueggemann, Chapter 1: Sabbath and the First Commandment, pp. 15-19. Copyright 2014, Westminster John Knox Press, Louisville, KY.

--Posted by Mama O.

The Invention of Wings

My book club just finished reading The Invention of Wings,the latest novel from Sue Monk Kidd, who also wrote The Secret Life of Bees. I am strongly recommending it for all ages. I think it would make an excellent read-aloud story, as well.

Based on a true story, it chronicles the lives of two young women in the early 1800's, one a very wealthy, aristocratic woman, the other, her Negro slave, given to her on her eleventh birthday. Sarah Grimke, the wealthy young woman, is mortified at the idea that her family would give her another human being as a gift. She already views slavery as evil at her tender age. Her opinions and her intellectual ambition as a woman in the antebellum South are both squelched by her own family and the society in which she lives. Although Sarah desires connection with her slave, Handful, a friendship between two girls from such differering backgrounds and with such divergent futures is impossible.

The author follows the lives of both young women during selected periods covering the next 35 years of their lives. Young Sarah's idealistic and downright radical ideas about slavery create multiple heartaches for her, as neither her family nor the Charleston, South Carolina socialites, with whom she is expected to associate, find any agreement with her views, until her much younger sister, Angelina, is born and grows up to share Sarah's views.

As for Handful, the slave girl, prospects are bleak for a girl born into slavery in that day. Handful is forced to endure humiliation, injustice, enforced ignorance (it was illegal to teach a slave to read), cruelty and crippling physical and emotional injuries, all the while learning to piece together the disparate patches of her life in quilts she and her mother make at night.

This story is one which could and should become part of high school social science curriculum because of its clear telling of a very dark chapter in American history. Yet, Kidd is a skillful writer, so the darkness does not overwhelm the reader. Like the careful quilter she chronicles, Kidd creates a tapestry of dark and light that tells the story beautifully, entertains, educates, and leaves her reader's with a legacy.

--Posted by Mama O.

Marketing with Social Media

"People are seven times more likely to give your business a good recommendation if they had a bad experience and you made it right."

This is one of the pearls of wisdom I collected at a recent class I took on using social media to promote your business.  Our instructor told stories of restaurant owners who personally "messaged" customers who gave negative reviews via social media, saying things like, "Looks like your next burrito is on us--hope you'll give us another chance!"

And the goodwill generated by such a simple, humble gesture is astounding!

The art and craft of using social media to market your business is "all about giving first," our instructor told us. "You listen first and see what you can offer that is 'of value' to your potential customers or clients."

When you use social media just to "talk at" your potential market, but never listening to what your customers genuinely like, need or want, you come off like the braggart at the cocktail party who walks into a conversation and immediately begins describing the features of his new sports car, without even listening to the conversation at hand. That kind of self-centered approach to marketing is a "turn-off" for potential customers.

Social media is just an electronic version of old-fashioned conversation. And the art of conversation is learning to listen to other people, to offer helpful information that matches the needs and desires of those with whom you are interacting.

An excellent formula for those leading people, whether it be parents, teachers, employers or politicians, is this:

        SAY FIVE POSITIVE COMMENTS FOR EVERY ONE NEGATIVE COMMENT!

 In social media terms, this means give five times more meaningful "tidbits" of helpful information for your clients or customers than you do self-promotion or sales (Blowout Sale...Inventory Reduction...Seasonal Clearance!...you get the idea)

I found these pearls of wisdom incredibly enlightening for those of us who wish to share the gospel. Is the majority of our communication with potential "Christians" self-promotion? We either tell them what they should believe, how they should act or simply dispense information about the times of our church service? Do we take time to listen to potential "Christians" to hear what they are really talking about? Do we join in their conversation with relevant, helpful input? Do we seek their advice and expertise, as well, thus acknowledging their worth as human beings?

The magic "trifecta" of communication includes appealing to people's:

1. Health
2. Wealth
3. Children

If you can communicate helpful, relevant, meaningful information in any of those areas, then you are succeeding in the rules of good communication.

I know there is a whole "health and wealth prosperity gospel" movement out there, promising people pain-free, trouble-free lives if they will just "donate a seed faith amount of money" or follow these "five spiritual principles" or buy this "best-selling book".  I am not talking about that.

But there is a reason that those three things are important to all people. Those three things encompass our purpose for living, the reason we get up in the morning and go to work and school and plan for retirement. It is not the least bit "unspiritual" to recognize that those are the things that matter to people.

And when we, as Christians who want to win potential "Christians" to the truth, want to reach people, we will need to listen to them, to show love, before we simply advertise our "Summer Clearance on Bible Verses"!

Maybe the Apostle Paul was giving ancient wisdom on marketing via social media when he penned the opening lines of 1 Corinthians 13:

"If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it, but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1-3 New Living Translation)

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care!

--Posted by Mama O.

How to Handle Disappointment

How do we handle disappointment?

Do we complain? Most likely. If we're honest, it comes out in one fashion or another.

Do we try to deny it? Very possibly. That's human nature. And we are human.

Do we rationalize and bargain with it? If you will do...then I'll be willing to meet you halfway...At least it's not as bad as... These sound like normal responses to disappointment.

Do we "settle"? Just live with it? At some point?

Disappointment is part of being human. Job observed: Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward." Job 5:7 (New International Version)

We lose jobs, relationships, investments and dreams. People betray us. Children go astray. Illness and accidents hit us. Mental illness and Alzheimers' cloud the reasoning ability of the mind.

When we struggle with the bitter taste of disappointment, is it possible that the bitterness comes from the fact that our standards are too low in this life? Do we have an incorrect view of the purpose of disappointment?

As people, we tend to view "success" as a sign of God's goodness and our own goodness. When our finances are stable and growing, our marriages are healthy and happy, our children are making good decisions, our relationships are free of misunderstanding and conflict, then we feel that we are being shown "God's favor". When any of these areas are out of whack, we question whether the problem lies with us, with other people or with God.

But, let's frame the picture differently. Let's look at it from the perspective of a good parent. A good parent knows that his or her child will face frustrations in life. The job of a parent is to help train and prepare a child for the adult world. A loving parent slowly introduces a child to increasingly difficult and frustrating tasks in order to train the child in maturity. Traits like patience, perseverance and tolerance for frustration must be learned if the child is to function as a mature adult. Any parent who shelters his child from these important learning opportunities is failing the child!

The writer of Hebrews explained God's parenting style in Hebrews 12:5-14:

"'My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.'
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his fathre? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 'Make level paths for your feet,' so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord." (New International Version)

Even Jesus, the perfect son of God, learned obedience through suffering:

"Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered." Hebrews 5:8 (New International Version)

Should we raise our standards when it comes to dealing with disappointment? Instead of trying to affix blame for the source of the problem as the disciples did when Jesus healed the blind man: "'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'", we need to raise our standards in viewing the purpose of disappointment in our lives to Jesus' standard: "'Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.'" John 9:2-3 (New International Version)

A higher standard views disappointment as a teaching tool. Disappointment can teach us how to tolerate frustration, be patient and persevere.

The disappointment may or may not resolve itself. But will we learn "obedience from the things we suffer" as Jesus did?

"Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge; and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brother kindness, Christian love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you." 2 Peter 1:5-11 (New American Standard Version)

--Posted by Mama O.

People's Questions/God's Answers

  Dear Bible Study Sisters,

 We began our study of Malachi back in January, when our spirited lecturer, Lisa Harper, compared the Jews returning to their trashed homeland after 70 years of Babylonian captivity to Scarlett O'Hara returning to her ruined home, Tara, after the Civil War in "Gone With The Wind". The Jews, like Scarlett, felt angry and entitled. They had expected a trouble-free life and instead they had gotten this mess! The prophet, Malachi, ended up moderating a lively "Question and Answer" session between God and the Jews.

God wanted his people to know that he still loved them very much and he still had tremendous plans for them--to make them a light to all the nations, a light that would bring Messiah, hope, salvation and peace on earth, good will toward men. God wanted the Jews to get busy and start rebuilding and repairing the city of Jerusalem and its Temple so they would be ready when Messiah appeared. And, God wanted them to prepare their hearts with gratitude toward God and a holy desire to see the light of all nations come in the form of the Messiah. God wanted his people to be united in love and to show that love to surrounding nations. He wanted the Jews to rid themselves of idols and distractions that kept them from loving God and working for holy purposes. God wanted the Jews to put aside greed and value their relationships with God and with one another. But, many of the Jews had stopped hoping for Messiah. They had expected God to give them material wealth and a trouble-free life. When that didn't happen, and things got a lot worse once they were taken as hostages to Babylon, they stopped even hoping for the glory God had promised to them and to their temple in Jerusalem.

Malachi stirred up the conversation between God and the Jews to get the Jews to hear God's side of the story. In the midst of their disillusionment and dissatisfaction with the way things had turned out, God wanted to bring words of comfort and hope, that his plans for his people were not derailed by their time in Babylon. The ruined temple and city of Jerusalem would not stop God from blessing the Jews:

"But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall." Malachi 4:2 (New International Version)

No matter how ruined or hopeless the current circumstances looked, God still had wonderful things in store for his people! He wanted them to hear his voice, to know that their complaints were real, but God's love was more real and bigger and better and more powerful than any of the things that were troubling them!

God asked them to have faith in him, to "bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house." God told the Jews to "test"

him, to see if he would not "throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." God promised that he would hold back the pests that would devour their crops and vines when they showed this kind of trust in him, and that the result would be that "all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land." Malachi 3:10-12 (New International Version)

Our Tuesday morning Bible scholars agreed to write down our own "Questions and Assorted Fussings" for God, as well as our "Stopped-Up Hopes", the things we have hoped and prayed for so long that we have just about given up. As we studied this little Old Testament book, we decided to exercise our own faith, to trust the God who continues to keep his promises to people who believe that his love is bigger and better and more powerful than all of our problems and fussings and stopped-up hopes!

I am sending you the list of our fussings and stopped-up hopes, not to discourage you, but to remind you that we all suffer in one way or another, and God asks us to listen to his voice of love, and to show love to our neighbors who may be suffering in a different way than we are!

"My name will be great among the nations, from the rising to the setting of the sun..., says the Lord Almighty." Malachi 1:11 (New International

Version)

God bless you all over our summer break! We will look forward to another lively discussion time in God's Word in September, 2014!

Love you all,

Grace Pendleton and Carolyn Ocheltree

Tuesday Morning Ladies' Bible Study Leaders

QUESTIONS AND ASSORTED FUSSINGS

COLLECTED BY TUESDAY MORNING LADIES’ BIBLE CLASS STUDY IN MALACHI

COLLEGE CHURCH OF CHRIST

SPRING 2014

1. Why is God’s timing not more easily understood by mankind?

 Example: People die young

                People have so many trials and tribulations

                Alzheimer’s takes over some minds

Even believers have trouble understanding why, when, how on these kinds of things.

2. I am wanting a certain family member to become a Christian.

3. I married the Christian man just to get divorced. He’s remarried and moved on. Why hasn’t God sent me someone? Why am I still single?

4. Why take my mom so early?

5. I miss the mark on feeling defensive in speech with others, in listening and many times having hurt feelings and forgiveness within the family.

6. I am troubled about my son and daughter-in-law’s faith, my grandkids’ lack of faith and my own need to be closer to God.

7. “God, you have said you do not want any to perish. I don’t understand why my prayers for my family have not been answered. They are special people and I know they believe in you—but one of them does not accept you as the one and true God. I do believe you hear and answer but this is bewildering to me. No answer that I can see.”

8.  Why do Christians behave ungodly and show favoritism toward others, when God’s word states he does not show favoritism??

9. I can only pray, “Not my will but Thine be done” If I ask for things that I should not ask for, if I seek after things selfishly, if I ask for my self and not for my neighbor, take this veil from my eyes and let me see. “Not my will but Thine be done” prayed Jesus. May the same prayer be mine every day. When this robe of flesh that I wear it makes me falter, guide my feet and hold my hand all the way—

10. Why has my life turned out so differently than how I imagined it?

11. I don’t understand why godly people are taken before their time, or before we are done with them?

12. Mental illness and addiction: Why do they have to exist? Why do good people die young?

13. Will I ever stop struggling with worry and fear in my life?

14. I want to ask “why” less and accept what God has allowed.

15. Why do I have to have vocal problems? I want to perform but can’t because of this problem.

16. What did I do so wrong to make my son hate me so? I was there for him. His father left us. I have ALWAYS been there, not his father. Yet, he seems to disrespect me and not his father who hasn’t been there. I did my best.

17. I want to see my husband come to Jesus. I want God to remove anything that would get in his way to search for Jesus.

18. Why can’t people learn from other’s mistakes?

19. Why is it so difficult to be patient? Patience is a virtue, yes, but really?

 STOPPED-UP HOPES 

COLLECTED BY THE LADIES’ BIBLE CLASS

 SPRING 2014 STUDY OF MALACHI

COLLEGE CHURCH OF CHRIST

1. My son’s salvation and emotional stability.

2. My parents: Do my parents really love each other? They argue (50+ years) and each argument my mom says it’s over (divorce). I just want to see them in love.

3. To have my daughter-in-law respond to our loving family.

4. Overcoming lonesomeness in a world of people.

5. My daughter’s health, work and family.

6. I pray that someday a few of my family members will grow up, be mature Christians, and be godly people.

7. My turn for a trouble-free life.

8. To lose weight.

9. Peace in my marriage.

10. A husband—a man who will love me and my children and provide for us.

11. Forgiveness of family member.

12. Success in my business and buying a home.

13. Losing weight.

14. Having my son back with me.

       Bringing my son back to God.

       My brother and sister forgive our Dad.

       Mend the relationship with my sister.

       My husband to have more faith.

15. I’ve almost lost hope for my husband becoming a Christian and attending church with me.

16. My non-Christian children and grandchildren and family members to find God and become Christians.

17. Grandson’s addiction to drugs.

18. Free of personal problems that I have no control over. I don’t see a happy ending.

19. Successful career.

20. Bring something great for the kingdom of God with the talents he’s blessed me with.

--Posted by Mama O.

I'm not going green

I am not going green! If I can help it.

Now don't get me wrong: I recycle, reuse, repurpose and respect the environment wherever I can. I'm not talking about that kind of green. I'm talking about another kind of green, the kind that occurs when I hear that someone else has succeeded or taken a great trip or accomplished a goal. I'm talking about going green with envy.

The other day, I opened my high school alumni newsletter, only to read that one of the students who was in my honor choir (The Oceanaires), albeit in a later decade, was now an opera star. The article featured pictures of her in various costumes and spoke of her world travels to perform. It harked back to her time in Oceanaires, the school honor choir, in sort of a "Who would have thought?" kind of a way.

I have to confess my first thought was very unspiritual. I envied this woman with her fascinating career and world travels. And I groused about my own lot in life.

"Being in honor choir never led to anything like that in my life," I grumbled to the washing machine.

A few days later, the newspaper featured an article about a local theater production. It gave a very honorable mention to an old acquaintance of mine who is designing costumes for many of the shows at this local theater. Again, my first thoughts were very unspiritual.

"What have I done to get my name in the paper?" I grumbled, again to the washing machine. The washing machine kindly pointed out that my name was not in the newspaper for any dirty laundry and I should be very grateful for that!

And then, I played "My Own Psychologist" and asked me, "How does it make you feel to envy other people's accomplishments and recognition?"

"Well, lousy," I had to answer honestly. "It doesn't create emotional peace and freedom. It makes me feel burnt out, like I am not getting as much notice as someone else, so I might as well stop doing the good things God has given me to do!"

Then I thought of a verse I have often read, Proverbs 14:30:

"A heart at peace gives life to the body,
but envy rots the bones." (New International Version)

"A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body;
jealousy is like cancer in the bones." (New Living Translation, copyright 2007)

"A relaxed attitude lengthens life;
jealousy rots it away." (New Living Translation, copyright 1996)

Wow! Spiritual bone cancer! Envy literally eats up my insides and leaves me with poor health, both spiritually and physically speaking.

That perspective made my "green envy" look like the meatloaf that gets left on the back of the bottom shelf of the refrigerator for two months. It's green, alright. But poison green. Get-rid-of-it-as-fast-as-you-can green! That's the kind of green my envy is.

What can I do when the temptation to envy comes over me? Be thankful to God and to those around me for what I do have! I heard one of my favorite radio preachers say the other day that the most balanced, emotionally healthy people he knows are those who express gratitude on a regular basis--and they invite others to join them.

"Isn't that sunset beautiful?"

"Have you ever tasted such a delicious meal?"

"Aren't those cousins cute?"

So, my decision is to continue to recycle and respect the planet, but not to go green--with envy! And if you catch me talking "green with envy" talk, just remind me about the bone cancer comparison. It will make me stop!

--Posted by Mama O.

Shepherding The Emotionally Destructive Marriage

What is the difference between healthy conflict and unhealthy conflict?

In a healthy relationship, two partners are working to solve the problem.
In an unhealthy relationship, both partners are working to WIN (at all costs)!

This wisdom came from a webinar I attended this week called "Shepherding the Emotionally Destructive Marriage", hosted by RBC Ministries. The two guests were Leslie Vernick a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of the book, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage and Pastor Chris Moles, a certified batterer intervention group facilitator.
.
These two experts were discussing the role of church leaders in counseling couples who are involved in emotionally destructive relationships.

Typically, because of a desire to "look spiritual" or a misinterpretation of New Testament passages on submission to authority, church leaders encourage shallow and counterproductive approaches conflict resolution in these serious situations. Even when the couple does receive counseling, church leaders often encourage the abused partner to "reconcile" far too quickly, thus encouraging the abusive partner to think that his or her behavior is "not all that bad" or even "just fine".

Change is painful and it takes time, according to these two experts. Typically, abusive spouses can be very charming to the outside world while being very destructive within the home. The abuser can use these charms to deceive church leaders into thinking that the real problem lies with the abused spouse, who "just acts crazy".

But, as Vernick pointed out, daily abuse can "erode a person's self confidence" to the point that they can act kind of "crazy", or different than they would act if they were being treated with respect. Acting "crazy" can be one of the effects of "having your personhood squashed day in and day out" by an emotionally abusive spouse, she said.

When church leaders insist that a couple "reconcile" too quickly, before any real change has had time to occur in the abusive spouse, the abused spouse is being asked (by the church) to "pretend and lie", says Vernick.

"And, as your grandma always said, 'A half truth is a whole lie'," Moles said, explaining why such "quick-and-easy reconciliation" can really be nothing more than "living a lie".

While church leaders must value the institution of marriage, they must also value "the safety and sanity of the people in the marriage", the experts pointed out.

It is possible for the members of a church small group to hold an abusive spouse accountable for his or her behavior. It is okay to let the abusive spouse know that small group members are "on call" 24/7 for the abused spouse. This sort of accountability brings abuse from the darkness, where it can hide, to the light, where it must be exposed for the lie that it is.

Taking such a stance for truth and dignity of the human spirit is bold for church leaders. It means taking the risk of looking "imperfect" as a church body, of being willing to expose sin and deal with it in the light, rather than keeping it hidden for the sake of "looking good".

For more information of this topic, go to www.rbc.org/topics/abuse.

--Posted by Mama O.

Malachi

Our ladies have gone outside their biblical "comfort zone" this year in Bible study. We studied the Old Testament book of Nehemiah in the fall. And, if that wasn't "unheard of" enough, we continued with the Old Testament prophet, Malachi, in the spring. Turns out, these two men were contemporaries. Nehemiah helped motivate and organize the Jewish people to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem after their return from Babylonian captivity. Malachi moderated a "Q&A" session between God and the Israelites, helping the people to see life from God's point of view.

Our final question yesterday in our study of Malachi was, "What do you consider the most valuable thing you've learned from Malachi?"

So, here we go:

1. We matter to God. I know that sounds obvious, but I mean, He really wants to spend time with us.
"'I have loved you,' says the Lord." (Malachi 1:2 New International Version)
2. We can ask questions of God. "But you ask, 'How have you loved us?'" (Malachi 1:2 New International Version) But we need to show respect for God's character of love. Unfortunately, the Israelites did not do this in Malachi's day.
3. God has lavished love on us. A sane and rational response is to give him good gifts in return. Just as a good wife would give her husband thoughtful and good gifts when he lavishes love, attention and affection on her. "'When you bring blind animals for sacrifice, is that not wrong? When you sacrifice crippled or diseased animals, is that not wrong? Try offering them to your governor! Would he be pleased with you? Would he accept you?' says the Lord Almighty." (Malachi 1:8 New International Version)
4. God wants us to be confident in His love and provision for us. "My covenant was with him, a covenant of life and peace." (Malachi 2:5 New International Version) He does not want us to be arrogant, as the entitled priests became, focusing on material gain and polluting God's altar with greed. "For the lips of a priest ought to preserve knowledge, and from his mouth men should seek instruction--because he is the messenger of the Lord Almighty. But you have turned from the way and by your teaching have caused many to stumble.'" (Malachi 2:7,8 New International Version) Neither does God want us to live in fear and insecurity (which, like arrogance, is just another way of taking our focus off of God's love and provision and putting it back on ourselves!) The Israelites' doubt of God's love for them, voiced in Malachi 1:2, "How have you loved us?", was hurtful to a God who had protected, loved and preserved them.
5. Our words can either bless and edify God or can hurt him emotionally. God has a personality and a character, just like we do. Although He is utterly confident in His own Being, He truly desires to have a relationship with us, and it hurts him when we criticize His loving ways and complain about His provision:
"'You have said harsh things against me,'" says the Lord. (Malachi 3:13 New International Version)
6. God's desire for His people is that they live and teach His ways to other people around them. When they do that, they will experience untold blessing from God. "'You are under a curse--the whole nation of you--because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,' says the Lord Almighty, 'and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit,' says the Lord Almighty. 'Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land,' says the Lord Almighty." (Malachi 3:9-12 New International Version)
7. God's plan for His people is to bring healing, not division:
 "'I hate divorce,' says the Lord God of Israel, 'and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,' says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith."  (Malachi 3:16 New International Version)
"But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall." (Malachi 4:2 New International Version)
"'My name will be great among the nations, from the rising to the setting of the sun. In every place incense and pure offerings will be brought to my name, because my name will be great among the nations,' says the Lord Almighty." (Malachi 1:11 New International Version)

And what did we do with our newly discovered or re-discovered truths about God's character?

1. We collected a huge treasure chest, spilling over, with clothing and jewelry that we actually really like and is still in style! We are taking it to the Evangel Home, a Christian shelter for women, on Tuesday, April 22, where we will tour the facility as a group and have lunch there with the ladies. We want to give God our best.

2. We collected our questions, fussings and stopped-up hopes (prayers and hopes we've nearly given up on). We put them in jars as a faith offering to God, saying we believe He is big enough to answer our questions in the best way, quiet our fussings and renew our hope in His goodness and faithfulness.

It has been a wonderful study year. I'm glad we stretched ourselves!

--Posted by Mama O.